Hello world!

Hi.  I’m Bekkah and I’m here because I’m super depressed.

I’m not completely sure what I intend with this blog.  I refuse to believe that I’m alone in being a parent with significant mental health issues, but it seems that when I look for other people like me I find lots of almosts and kindofs.  I don’t intend for this to be a place that substitutes for health or therapeutic care, but instead I want to create a place where I can come share their everyday experience of being crazy and parenting crazy and maybe throw out some advice, share some good feelings, and make myself a little community.

This post is to see how WordPress works, honestly. I expect to do several low content post like this as I’m getting started.


Today, Alex is on edge from needing to have a conversation with a professor who decided to format her classroom participation credit in such a way that he could not ever succeed. She intends to enforce group seating and randomize those groups at every class session.  This is in an upper division math class! I only have minor social anxiety, and that idea makes me want to self harm. Alex’s social anxiety is so much worse. He was near tears describing the situation. He contacted the Disability Services office for an accommodation letter, but has to deliver it himself.

Rosebud has a little fever, meaning that I’m missing my regular session of commiserating and checking in with my BFFs and Jujubee is missing her playdate.  Too much screen time.

Stressful Days

We are less than a week from closing on our new home! Around the house, we are trying to pack and purge and clean. That’s the plan, anyway.

Naturally, Juju Bee has come down with a cold and Rosebud is threatening to catch it, too. Juju has grasped her own desire to move for about 9 months and even ran a little store selling fairy garden decor to earn money “for a house with a yard.” Now that is becoming real, though, she’s scared. She’s never moved before.

Change is hard for little humans, especially spectrumy ones. So we pack slowly, and we talk about where her things will go. We have a property walk through next week and we’ll have her help us draw a floor plan.


Rosebud is be too little to even play at being rational. Her toys are only getting packed when she’s asleep or not home because she becomes a creature of sound and fury when she sees her things go into boxes.

Alex, of course, is still in classes Monday – Thursday. This is a critical semester because he can finally start taking his professional exams once he passes these. He’s compartmentalized pretty extensively, but it doesn’t change that he’s weirder than a glow-in-the-dark three headed salamander these days. He is doing an absolutely wonderful job of being supportive, and he’s keeping up on his school work, but the stress has brought back his migraines and upset his gut. Poor man.

Me? I’m blessedly in my pre-ovulatory phase, so my hormones are not contributing to the issues yet. I’m anxious, though. I want to be working on the house. The condo is growing less livable as it fills up with boxes and the clutter combined with the psychological pressure is pretty awful. My heart races and my hands shake and that’s before I’m carrying boxes or laundry through the hallways choked with packed storage tubs.

How am I coping? Well, I have made the poor choices to skip workouts twice and binge on Halloween candy. I’m not eating enough green or protein I’m making lists and schedules for when we can finally move toward the new place and sitting at the desk staring at stuff the kids keep dragging out. None of this is good.

Resolution? Once I get Rosebud down for a nap I will dose Juju with more elderberry syrup then wade into the morass of things to pack for at least one box.